*phew*

 I attended a workshop on alternatives to conservatorship tonight and I am just over the moon. For practically the first time, I feel like I got what I needed from one of these workshops. I have resources and information that no one else was able to tell me, and I have a sense of how to move forward and prepare so that my daughter will be supported if something happens to me and her dad. All three of us had found the idea of conservatorship for her pretty appalling.

I do wish that most of the important people in her life weren't our age or older. That's something we'll have to address. But meanwhile, if we die in a car wreck soon, she won't be left entirely on her own. 

Yay, For Once We Weren't Thrown Under the Bus

 My husband and I went to a show recently, in a city known for its strong disabled community. There were quite a few people there using mobility devices, and he and I, being larger people, both appreciate the wider aisles and large, comfortable seats.

It took me a while to realize another way in which this venue was disability-friendly: it required vaccination cards and masks. We've been getting out more lately, and that's become increasingly rare.  We always wear N95s, but having others masked as well made the experience so much less anxiety provoking than usual. 

Ack! My heart is walking around outside my body and it doesn't feel well!

 My family is away on a road trip and my daughter is miserably sick. (Probably not Covid, though it's hard to be sure.) It hurts my heart so much. She loves road tripping with her dad, but I'm the one she wants when she's sick and it kills me that I can't be with her.

My husband will probably go to London again later this year and I was pondering whether to go along this time. The thought of the miserable flight and having to be masked nonstop for long was already a strong mark in the con column, but the thought of my child maybe getting sick -- or us getting sick and not able to get back to her -- pretty much finishes that idea. 

We were going to leave her on her own for the first time ever... in March of 2020. Had a schedule made up with all our friends to check in on her and everything. And I definitely think we still should, but maybe stay on the same continent for the moment.

My kid on "Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

 "that was one of the best and worst movies I've ever seen."

Pretty much sums it up. 

Oh my

 I asked my doctor if I should do jury duty, given that masks aren't required and I have an immune deficiency. (Not a major one, it's not usually a big deal, but does cause some issues.) And she wrote the fiercest, most scolding medical letter I have ever seen, basically blasting the county for not requiring masks for all to protect at-risk people.

I have had some issues with her over the last many years but sometimes she just knocks it out of the park and I'm really glad she's my doctor. 

Where Do We Go?

 Bo Burnham's "Inside Outakes" has a bit of a song that's basically just "please don't make me vote for Joe Biden" and oh man, am I feeling that right now. I didn't want to vote for him, but I had no idea what a truly terrible choice he would turn out to be. I'm not talking about inflation and the price of gas, which I don't think is within his control, but the terrible passivity around the destruction of democracy, and worship of now-meaningless "bipartisanship," and the utter disappearance of Kamala Harris, who I actually approved of. Not to mention the plight of children at the border, which has barely improved. 

America really needed to go in a new direction and instead it tried to go back to a comfortable (for some) past and it was a huge mistake that I think will be the end of us. The price of gas will likely get Trump back in and then even "blue" states won't be safe.

So.... where do we go? Two aging, anxious adults with a disabled and transgender adult child. My husband has useful skills and he can do his job from anywhere, and we own a valuable home, so we've got that on our side.  We have relatives in Chile who could help us there, and he has colleagues all over the world who value his skills. 

But against that is the knowledge that right wing fascism is spreading almost as surely as Covid all over the world and we could be out of the frying pan into the fire. 

The Times, They Are Kind of Staying the Same

 One of the, probably permanent, changes in our lives from the pandemic is a deep freezer and a bookcase in the hall that's become a pantry. I just stocked it with a massive amount of pasta, since it looks like the war on Ukraine may make wheat prices go up. 

I got over feeling like I needed to save and use everything, but I'm still bulk buying toilet paper and kleenex (an indulgence, but we all have runny noses) and my husband brings home packages and packages of our kid's favorite foods. Worrying about being able to feed her, with her limited diet, was a huge fear.  One that was never realized -- the worst it got was her having to put up with homemade peanut butter cookies instead of chocolate -- but those fears stay with you.

I guess I'm thinking about fears, because my husband is flying to Germany tomorrow and I'm fucking terrified.